Zell's Wacky Inventions 6:I was a teenage chocobo
by Flayme
Summary: After a freak accident involving a Chicobo, Zell wakes up to find that he's not quite himself anymore! This one is probably the maddest fic I've written so far! Read + Review pleeze!


Zell's wacky inventions 6:I was a teenage chocobo  
Roses are red, bluebells are....errrr....blue, I don't own FF, so nutz to you!^_^  
Finally! It's the 6th zell's wacky inventions fic (ta da!)! I hope you like this one, it's a bit weird, but it's FUNNY! Trust me on this one OK? Oh, and thanx to Emerald Eyes who gave me the idea for this fic!  
(In case you didn't know, the * marks mean that's what someone's thinking)  
  
(It was another sunny day at Balamb garden, Selphie's birthday came and went, and Selphie's gift from Irvine was following her everywhere. You guessed it, he gave her a baby chocobo! Selphie was wandering around the hallway, the little bird skipping along behind her)  
Selphie:Heel, Chicobo!  
Chicobo:Wark!  
Selphie:Awwww...you are so CUTE!  
Chicobo:Warkwark! Wark!  
Selphie:*I wonder what zell's doing? He's been in his room for 3 whole days now....* Come on Chicobo, let's go and see the others!  
Chicobo:Wark!  
(Selphie walked off, but the chicobo, being in the mood for exploring, ran off in the opposite direction.)  
  
(Meanwhile, outside Zell's room, a student is walking along the hallway)  
Student:Lalalaaaaa oh what a happy day....  
(BANG! There was a huge explosion and the student was thrown backwards as the door flew off its hinges.)  
Zell:(pokes his head round the door frame) Oops....sorry, man...Oh great he's out cold...at least it'll give me time to repair this door before anyone notices...  
(Zell grabs a screwdriver and starts to fix the door. While he's not looking, Selphie's chicobo wanders in and stares at the huge machine in the middle of the room in amazement. It walks up to it to take a closer look...)  
  
(Outside the libary, the others are waiting for Selphie)  
Selphie:Hi guys!  
All:Hi Selphie!  
Irvine:Hey Selphie, where's that Chicobo I gave you? I thought it followed you everwhere...  
Selphie:Oh, it's right behind me....(she looks behind her) or, it WAS right behind me....  
Rinoa:Where could it have gone?  
  
(Meanwhile, in Zell's room)  
Zell:Dum de dum de dum....(finishes fixing his door) There...good as new...  
(He doesn't notice that the Chicobo is sniffing the machine. The chicobo sees some wires, thinks *mmmmmm.....Gyhashl Greens!* and tries to eat them)  
  
(Back outside the libary)  
Selphie:Will you guys help me find him?  
Squall:Well.....alright we'll help you...  
Quistis:Now where would a chocobo go to?  
Irvine:I say we check the cafeteria...  
Rinoa:Good idea.  
Squall:Selphie, you go with Irvine and Quistis to check the cafeteria. Me and Rinoa'll check the training center...  
All:RIGHT!  
(they all run off to search for the chicobo)  
  
(In Zell's room)  
Chicobo:WARK! (pulling at the wires) WARK WARK!  
Zell:Huh? (he turns round and sees the chicobo) Get off that!  
(He tries to pull the chicobo off the wires)  
Zell:GET.....OFF......STUPID......BIRD!!!!  
Chicobo:WARK!  
Zell:IT'S...NOT...FOOD....GET....OFF!!!!  
Chicobo:WARKWARK! WAAAAARK!!  
(The chicobo bites down harder to get a grip, but the wires split in half and Zell and the Chicobo get a 10,000 VOLT ELECTRIC SHOCK!!!!!)  
Zell:AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! SHIT!!  
Chicobo:WAAAAARRRRRRKKKKKKK!!!!!!!! WARK!!  
(The two of them are lying, knocked out, on the floor.)  
  
(The others meet up in the Libary)  
Irvine:Did you guys find anything?  
Squall:Nope, we've checked everywhere for that bird..  
Selphie:(starts crying) Boo hoo hoo! I'll never find my little choco!!!! WAAAAHHHH!!!!  
Irvine:Calm down Selphie....there must be SOMEWHERE we haven't checked..  
(They all look at each other)  
All:(at the same time) Zell's room!  
(They run to Zell's room....)  
  
(....and see Zell and The chicobo on the floor, unconcious)  
Selphie:Oh god...my poor little chicobo....  
Quistis:Looks like Zell's pretty messed up too....  
Irvine:Let's get them to Dr.Wackybaccy QUICK!  
(They run off carrying Zell and the Chicobo with them)  
  
(In the hospital wing, Zell is lying on a bed with the chicobo next to him)  
Selphie:Will they be alright? sniff  
Dr.Wackybaccy (from Zell's wacky inventions 5):It doesn't look good, mon...these two got a nasty electric shock back dere..  
Selphie:(starts crying)Boo hoo hoo hoo hoooooo.....  
Irvine:Isn't there anything we can do?  
Dr.Wackybaccy:Let's just leave them, mon....I just hope they come round....I think you'd better go, mon...  
(Squall and the others leave)   
Dr.Wackybaccy:I just hope I don't lose these two, mon....  
(He leaves, and just as he is gone, Zell comes round)  
Zell:*Uhhhh...what happened? That dumb bird musta cut through the wires..... I'd better call Dr.Wackbaccy and say I'm alright.* WARK! WARK WARK WARK! *HUH?*  
(Zell looks over to his right and sees....himself lying next to him!)  
Zell:*What the hell? How can I be over there when I'm over here......?...........Oh shit.......*  
(Zell looks down at his feet.....or where his feet USED to be)  
Zell:*I'M A GOD DAMN @#~£ING CHOCOBO!!!!* WAAAAAAAAARRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!! (=translation)  
AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
(Zell/Chocobo runs around the room like a daft chicken until Dr.Wackybaccy comes in)  
Dr.Wackybaccy:Well, at least the chocobo's OK mon...I'd better take it back to dat girl..  
(Dr.Wackybaccy picks up Zell/chocobo)  
(NOTE:The bit is dubbed over the warking)  
Zell/chocobo:Hey! Put me down!  
Dr.Wackybaccy:It's OK little mon....I'll get you back to dat girl!  
Zell/chocobo:Oh no....not Selphie, please Hyne ANYONE but Selphie....  
(Dr.Wackybaccy takes Zell/chocobo to Selphie's room)  
  
(Selphie's room)  
Selphie:(crying) WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!  
Irvine:Calm down, Selphie....your chicobo isn't dead...  
Selphie:WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
Irvine:*Oh hyne, please make her shut up....*  
(There's a knock at the door and Irvine opens it. Dr.Wackybaccy is there, holding a frantic Zell/chocobo who is obviously panicing)  
Zell/chocobo:LET ME GO!!!! LET ME GOOOO!!!!! I DON'T DESERVE THIS!!!!  
Dr.Wackybaccy:Is the girl OK mon? I have her chocobo...  
Selphie:sniff YAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!! (she grabs zell/chocobo off Dr.Wackybaccy and hugs him tightly) Oh thankyou Dr.Wackybaccy!!  
Irvine:(whispers to Dr.Wackbaccy) Thankyou for making her shut up...  
Dr.Wackybaccy:All in a day's work,mon (walks off)  
Selphie:I'll never let you leave my side again! Never ever! (squeezes him harder)  
Zell/chocobo:(is turning blue) coff....Selphie....coff....I can't BREATHE!  
Irvine:I'd better go so you two can be alone together...  
Selphie:Bye Irvy!  
Zell/chocobo:Never ever? Oh shit....I'd better try and get out of here....  
Selphie:Well, we both know what time it is! Don't we?  
Zell/chocobo:Oh shit  
Selphie:It's time for....dress-up! (Selphie holds out a pink dress with matching ribbons)  
Zell/chocobo:AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
(Zell/chocobo gets up and starts running around, trying to escape Selphie)  
Selphie:Come here, choccy-poos!!!  
Zell/chocobo:(is flapping his wings franticly) WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVIN WINGS IF YA CAN'T FLY WITH 'EM!!!  
Selphie:(pounces on zell/chocobo with a sheet) GOTCHA!  
Zell/chocobo:#%$&!!!! £*~/=!!!!  
  
(Later)  
Zell/chocobo:I'll never live this down... (is wearing a dress, ribbons, perfume, shoes and panty-hose) How she managed to get these panty-hose on me is a mystery though...  
Selphie:Ohhhhhhh! You look so PRETTY! Just wait there, and I'll get the nail varnish....  
Zell/chocobo:This is no time to be pondering about panty-hose, I'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!!!!  
(Zell/chocobo wanders up to the door and realises it's locked)  
Zell/chocobo:Crap. I suppose I'll have to try and break the door down then....  
(Zell/chocobo starts headbutting the door, but Selphie trots back in)  
Selphie:Oh dear! We're all out of nail varnish! Oh well, time for walkies!  
Zell/chocobo:I am NOT going outside like this...oh wait, I can run away from her since she never puts her chicobo on a leash  
Selphie:I've got a prezzie for yooouuu! (she holds up a collar and leash)  
Zell/chocobo:(sweatdrop) this just ISN'T my day....  
  
(Selphie is walking down the hallway with zell/chocobo on a leash, everyone is laughing and pointing at him)  
Zell/chocobo:(goes bright red) I've GOTTA get out of this thing!!!  
Selphie:Heel, Chicobo!  
Zell/chocobo:HEEL? I'll show HER heel!  
(Zell/chocobo bites Selphie's foot)  
Selphie:OUCH! Bad choco! (slaps zell/chocobo) You stay here...I'll be right back!  
(Selphie dashes off to the ladies lav)  
Zell/chocobo:Ouch....that hurt....Now's my chance to get out of this collar!  
(Zell/chocobo chews through the leash and runs off)  
Selphie:(dashes back from the loo) Oh no! Where's it gone now?  
  
(Zell/chocobo is running around the hallways)  
Zell/Chocobo:I'd better try and get back to the hospial wing...if that dumb chocobo is in MY body I'll kill it as soon as.....wait a sec....what's this? I smell.....HOT DOGS!!!! TO HELL WITH THAT DUMB BIRD, I'M HUNGRY!!!  
(Zell/chocobo runs off to the cafeteria)  
Zell/chocobo:Ohboyohboyohboy!!!!!  
  
(Meanwhile, in the hospital wing, Selphie's chicobo wakes up. It has no idea what happened to it)  
Chicobo/Zell:*WARK?*  
(Dr.Wackybaccy walks in and realises that Chicobo/Zell has woken up)  
Dr.Wackybaccy:Ah, I see you're alright, mon....  
Chicobo/Zell:WARK!  
Dr.Wackybaccy:What?  
Chicobo/Zell:WARK WARK WARK!  
Dr.Wackybaccy:Oh no, mon...he's like, retarded...I'm in big trouble now...I need to calm down...  
(he gets some weed out of his pocket and makes a spliff.)  
Dr.Wackybaccy:Aye, mon.......nothin' quite like the WackyBaccy treatment, mon..  
  
(In the cafeteria, Zell/chocobo sees a plate of hot dogs on a nearby table)  
Zell/chocobo:HOT DOGS! I've gotta have 'em!  
Student:(sees Zell/chocobo) Oh, it's a chocobo....you want some gyhashl greens little fella?  
(Zell/chocobo jumps up onto the table and starts guzzling the hot dogs)  
Student:I thought chocobos were vegetarian...(he notices the tag on Zell/chocobo's collar. It reads "I belong to Selphie Tilmitt") I'd better get you back to your owner...  
  
(In the hospital wing, Dr.Wackybaccy is feeling sick)  
Dr.Wackybaccy:That musta been some bad weed, mon..  
(he passes out, and Chicobo/zell realising its chance, runs off down the hallway)  
Chicobo/zell:WARK WARK WAAAARRRRKK!!!!!  
  
(In the cafeteria, the student picks up Zell/chocobo when Chicobo/zell comes running in)  
Chicobo/zell:WARK WAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRKKKKK!!!!  
Student:AGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! EVERYONE RUN, IT'S AN ESCAPED PSYCOPATH!!! (drops Zell/chocobo)  
Zell/chocobo:HEY! SCUMBAG!  
Chicobo/zell:Wark?  
Zell/chocobo:YEAH, YOU!  
Chicobo/zell:WARK! (runs off)  
Zell/chocobo:HEY! COME BACK WITH MY BODY!  
  
(Selphie is asking Irvine if he's seen her chicobo, in the hallway)  
Selphie:Are you SURE you haven't seen it?  
Irvine:I'm positive.  
(Chicobo/zell and Zell/chocobo run past)  
Selphie:THERE IT IS!  
(They run after them)  
Chicobo/zell:WARK! (runs into Zell's room)  
Zell/chocobo:COME BACK HERE!  
  
(In Zell's room)  
Chicobo/zell:WARK WARK!!  
Irvine:Zell? What's wrong with you?  
Chicobo/zell:WARK!  
Selphie:He's retarded...  
Zell/chocobo:there's only one way to stop this....and it's gonna hurt..  
(He bites some of the wires on his machine)  
Selphie:Naughty chocobo! (tries to pull Zell/chocobo off) Irvy, give me a hand!  
Irvine:Oh alright...here goes nothing....(tries to help Selphie pull Zell/chocobo off)  
Zell/chocobo:Just a little more...  
(The wires snap in half and they all get electrocuted! They lie on the floor, knocked out again)  
  
(Zell wakes up in the hospital wing)  
Zell:*Please Hyne..PLEASE let me be in my own body PLEASE!* (he looks down at his feet) YES! BOOYA! I'M ME AGAIN!  
(Zell looks to his left and sees Squall,Rinoa and Quistis staring at him)  
Squall:Zell, what are you talking about?  
Zell:Errrrrr.....long story...  
Rinoa:You know, all this exitement makes me hungry....I've heard there's a new KFC (kentucky fried chocobo) down in Balamb..anyone wanna come with me?  
Zell:AGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! NOT ON YOUR LIFE!!!! (gets up and runs through the door, screaming)  
Rinoa:Was it something I said?  
  
END!^_^....or is it?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(Later, Selphie wakes up in the hospital wing)  
Selphie:Huh? What happened? *What's wrong with me? Why is my voice so low?*  
(She looks to her right and sees herself lying next to her)  
Selphie/Irvine:AGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
IT NEVER STOPS!!!!!!  
  
  
  
THE REAL END!^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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